is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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