Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
