Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
