watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
