No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
