I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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