i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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