The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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