when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
