My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
