I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
