Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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