If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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