Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
