your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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