i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
