im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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