I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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