Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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