Can i not drive my cunt home
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
