I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
