make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Bring me that man meat
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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