perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
