I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
