dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
