Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
