what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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