Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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