Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
