Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
