found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
