u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
