CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
