I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
