I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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