How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
