you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
