I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize