Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The air was thick with penises
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
