Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
