love makes seman taste better
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
