Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
