I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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