haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
