Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
