i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
