Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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