I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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