What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
did you just send me my own nude
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
