I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
